Going, Going, Ghosted… We Need to Hold Online Daters Accountable
Everyone who is on the apps knows the feeling. The dread of waiting by the phone for the text that you expected, but never comes. Your future date has become your newest ghoster. Merriam-Webster defines ghosting as “the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) usually without explanation by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, instant messaging, etc”. Ghosting was once pretty rare in the world of face to face dating. But in technology based meets and greets. Its cup runneth over. It can occur at any stage of dating, whether it’s before the first date or months into a relationship. And by definition it has no warning, nor does it offer an explanation.
I matched with someone on an app recently, and we immediately made plans to go out together, a very routine interaction on dating apps. The first day we were supposed to meet, he told me he was sick. I believed him, and we rescheduled for another night. That night, there was a snowstorm, and the conditions on the road were dangerous. I assumed we would reschedule again. I was wrong. Shortly after, he stopped answering my texts entirely. Although I knew it wasn’t about me I immediately began to second guess our interactions. I started over-analyzing my profile and overthinking.
If you too have been ghosted, you are not alone. A 2021 study surveying dating app users found that 85% of them had been ghosted at some point, and it led to negative emotions. Being ghosted impacts self-esteem, feelings of belongingness, and even a sense of meaningful existence. Ghosting also deprives us of usual social cues and leaves us feeling confused and out of control. The act of ghosting takes a major toll on those looking to find meaningful connections, and can impact feelings towards dating overall.
How Ghosting Contributes to Dating App Fatigue
Ghosting is one of the most common causes of dating app fatigue. When users repeatedly experience unanswered messages, canceled plans, or disappearing matches, dating can begin to feel emotionally draining rather than exciting. Over time,
these experiences can lead to dating burnout, lower confidence, and reduced motivation to pursue new connections.
If ghosting is so hurtful, why is it so common? Why are people so comfortable dropping a conversation completely with no explanation? Users often use their real names and images on dating apps, so why are they so content with being rude? According to Psychology Today, ghosting occurs for a number of reasons, including convenience, a perceived lack of communication skills, to protect the ghostee’s feelings, and more often than not, it is understood as the “new normal”. According to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Alexander Alvarado, ghosting may be common due to “a cyclical emotional pattern,” and once people experience being ghosted, they may be more inclined to ghost others as a defense mechanism. If you would not feel comfortable ‘ghosting’ someone in real life, then what makes it any different to do so online?
Ghosting’s commonality is also likely due to the “online inhibition effect.” People are more likely to act out online due to several factors including asynchronicity, invisibility, absent face-to-face cues, and the ability to dissociate.
Why Current Dating Apps Struggle to Prevent Ghosting
Many dating apps prioritize quantity matches over meaningful interactions. Users are often encouraged to keep swiping rather than invest in existing conversations. This design can make people feel more disposable and less accountable for their behavior. As a result, ghosting becomes easier and more common, contributing to a cycle of frustration and dating app fatigue.
The dating apps on the market have gamified dating and do not hold users accountable for ghosting others. The current design of dating apps encourages poor communication and for users to simply move on to the next profile. Does online dating always have to be this way? Wouldn’t it be nice to be part of an anti-ghosting dating platform that incorporated accountability and basic manners for a change? We need an app that holds users accountable and reduces the effects of the online inhibition effect and actively prevents ghosting.
While no app can eliminate ghosting entirely, platforms that prioritize quality matches over quantity matches, encourage respectful communication, and create greater accountability may help reduce its impact. Our self-esteem, our social lives, and our futures depend on it.
Writer Bio
Kayleigh Johnson is an emerging pop-culture writer. She enjoys writing on facets of modern young adult life, and exploring the facets of different generational points of view.
She is a senior marketing major at Loyola University in her native Chicago, where she enjoys concerts, museums, cultural events and city life.
